I was asked to speak at a wedding once

The bride and groom shall remain anonymous.

To the bride and groom, if either of you read this - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for giving me the opportunity to participate.

I remember being deeply honored and a little apprehensive when the couple asked if I would speak at their wedding in the section named 'Reflections'. No one had, up to that point in my life, indicated to me that what I might say would be worthy of one hundred or so people's time and attention. I think they knew I would take it seriously and it would be an original work.

Here it is. The brackets are my outline and an asterisk indicates my goal of injecting humor.

[thank you]

[Groom and Bride] .. the [Bride] family and the [Groom] family .. thank you for allowing me to be a participant in this wonderful event.

[reflection]

This portion of the ceremony is entitled ‘Reflection(s)’, and since the moment I was honored with the request to speak to everyone, what I have been doing is reflecting. My intent is to share the most beneficial aspects of my rumination and my hope is to endow you with an eloquence of diction suitable for the occasion. And yes, I just said ‘eloquence of diction’.*

[start with a quote or two]

So before I put pen to paper, I sought the wisdom of others from the great Oracle ('the great Oracle' being a Google search result from 'wedding proverbs')

“If you would marry suitably, marry your equal.” –Ovid, great Roman poet ..

“You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without.” – Anonymous ..

Frankly, Ovid said it better than the masses – he didn’t end his phrase with a preposition* – but nonetheless the ideas contained within express a fundamental state of our human condition: the need for abiding love and respect. To uphold such principles, people need faith.

[faith .. in the other … in yourself]

Today’s ceremony is simply the strongest statement of faith asserted by any one person ... This truth is manifested in the fact that each and every one of us has travelled here – many a long distance and at some cost .. we have dressed in our finest attire .. and all to bear witness to a single moment in time .. a moment that will be lost forever save our collective conscience - the moment [Groom] and [Bride] exchange a solemn promise to one another. Such an assertion of faith is sacred and profound and all of us, deep down, understand and sense its gravity .. the assertion is faith in oneself, faith in one’s partner, faith in the union … to deepen and strengthen the loving relationship that exists today.

[love .. liberating]

A committed and loving relationship is a liberating and empowering state. Honesty and candor are most welcome and produce an atmosphere of creativity and excitement for what is to come and what is possible. The phrase ‘bound by love’ is a paradox … no loving relationship truly binds anyone. And Truth is no longer an existential maxim but rather an affectionate medium through which self-expression may be exchanged to engender a higher purpose for each other. Moreover, the world stage becomes smaller as the actor becomes larger – “Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience.” – M. Scott Peck

And lastly, it would be irresponsible of me to not share with you those thoughts and words that have been so beneficial to my marriage over the years. In fact, I encourage you – as the newest members of the club – to seek out other members and swap notes.

1. Flexibility is the key to victory.

2. Each of you will occasionally feel as though you are giving 60% and receiving 40%. Don’t try to find the 20% .. I’ve looked .. it’s not there.*

3. A headlamp’s value cannot be understated.

4. No matter what happens .. whatever the day has brought .. take the time to look into each others’ eyes and say the words “I love you”.

[end with a quote]

“Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. ….. [It's the way you love your partner every day].” – Barbara De Angelis

And as you embark upon your journey – hand in hand, side by side – may the warmth and light of the Virginia Sun with us this afternoon bless your future together as man and wife.

25 Random Things

Circa 2009, this is my response from a Facebook chain letter.

1. Children are a blessing from God.

2. I've learned more from women than from men.

3. My Russian accent is near perfect. I receive compliments on it when I 'govaroo po Russki'.

4. 'Poopy' is my G-rated word for 'shitty, bad, ugly' and I employ it at work and at home. I think it is funny, the kids think it is funny, and interestingly, so do my coworkers. One does not have to remember one's audience with this word in their repertoire.

5. I don't have a moderate bone in my body.

6. Kara Livolsi has saved my life - twice. If it weren't for her, I believe I would have been killed either in the Middle East or in New York City.

7. I slap cats hard on their hindquarters when they visit my leg. It looks like abuse at first, but I tell you, they love it.

8. 25 is a big number when you are the number 8.

9. I don't like beer. I enjoy wine. I love bourbon.

10. I never felt so 'at home' as when I was a member of the U.S. military.

11. It doesn't bother me to carry on a conversation whilst I, or the other, is in the poop house. It bothers others, but not me.

12. I want to climb Mt. Kiliminjaro and Mt. Fuji.

13. I sing pretty well enough .. no one tells me to shutup.

14. When my daughter was born I could not sleep. I was supercharged by witnessing birth AND realizing that my responsibilities just grew exponentially.

15. Every American must read '1776' by David McCullough.

16. My wife sneezes in prime numbers .. 2,3,5,7 .. I was the first to point this out to her and now the kids enjoy every sneezing fit in the house.

17. I wanted to be a doctor, then I wanted to be a soldier, then I wanted a job that paid decent money, and now I want to be a comedian.

18. The election of Barak Obama has restored, to a degree, my faith in my countrymen.

19. I never forget a face.

20. My son thinks I am the greatest football player of all time. I tell him that I really didn't play football, but he wants none of it - I am the greatest.

21. Kara and I say the words 'I love you' to each other every day. Even when she is wrong and I am right and it is time to go to bed .. :-p

22. I love competition, no longer become Mr. Crabbypants when I lose (a learned response), and am a gracious winner. But if I lose, I want to play and play and play until I win.

23. The letter 'Z', when placed within words, is equivalent to adding three exclamation marks at the end of a sentence, e.g. 'What the fuzuck are you doing?' and 'You'd better get your shiznit together and say 'I love you' before I fall asleep on you.' PLUS .. overbearing authoritarian email filters can't flag messages as containing profane content. Hellz yeah.

24. The French have figured out food, the Russians - dance, the Irish - fun, the Itailians - family, the Americans - kicking ass.

25. Flexibility is the key to victory.

26. I am an overachiever.